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(Frights! Camera! Action!) Tales from the Crypt Season 6: When Even the Crypt Keeper Can't Save the Show

By. Davalyn Baker

It pains me to write this, but season 6 of TALES FROM THE CRYPT just might be one of the worst seasons of anthology series I’ve ever witnessed. I say this with very little memory of what awaits me in the seventh season, knowing that it just may be even worse. Somewhere, in the middle of all the campy, fun silliness that makes TALES FROM THE CRYPT what it is, the people in charge seem to forget somewhere in the muddled mess of season 6. Without discussing season 7 yet, I don’t want to throw words around, but ’abysmal’ is dancing around my head while I list the episodes that were the strongest this season.

The biggest problem with this season is that there’s a lot of relying on the Crypt Keeper to carry whatever stories are being thrown at the audience. And yes, anyone with a brain knows that the Crypt Keeper is the star of the show, but twenty minutes within his two-to-five-minute monologues still need to do the work. I don’t even necessarily think the storytelling within this season is horrible; I feel the execution is where it falls flat. Many of the episodes feel hollow or incomplete. Whirlpool is an episode that comes to mind. It seems to be inspired by the film Groundhog Day, and this episode could have been much better if given the time and care that it so clearly needed. Usually, I can lap up these episodes within a day or two, but I trudged through these episodes, feeling like I was almost being forced. There’s a noticeable dip in quality, and the episodes aren’t fun this season, no matter how hard the amazing cast of guest stars try to make it work.

Before diving into Season 6's brighter moments, revisit our look at Season 5, where the Crypt Keeper and company were still firing on all cylinders and delivering some of the anthology's most memorable late-series episodes.

Despite this, there are still a few fun episodes I enjoyed nestling within this season.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime – In an episode that eclipses many others this season, the late great Catherine O’Hara stars as Geraldine Ferrett, an ambulance-chasing corrupt lawyer. The episode starts with her appearing in court after being arrested in a small town called Stueksville (pronounced “sticks-ville”) for having an illegal license plate. Geraldine is cocky, egotistical, and selfish, even offering her services to someone bandaged from head-to-toe without knowing the extent of the person’s crimes or issues, which later bites her in the butt. She is assigned a public defender named Austin Haggard, portrayed by Peter MacNicol, who matches O’Hara’s comedic energy with sharp precision. Geraldine doesn’t seem to understand how seriously deep in trouble she is until she’s crossed the path of three judges, all portrayed by Joseph Maher, and by the time she’s reached the meanest and harshest judge, naturally, it’s too late. This episode only works because Catherine O’Hara is the lead. She applies just enough audaciousness and quirk to Geraldine, and otherwise this episode wouldn’t have been as fun.

99 & 44/100% Pure Horror – This story centers around soap. Yes. The title was inspired by a slogan used by Ivory soap created in the late 19th century. And art. Willa is an artist married to Luden Sandelton, played by Bruce Davison. Luden is the president of a soap company called Dermasmooth. The episode starts with Willa expressing her artistic talents while also cheating on her husband. Willa is shown to be uncaring and self-centered with a taste for the macabre, as showcased through her violent artwork. Luden wants his company to be successful, and later he and Willa exchange words after she is released from the creative team because he’s been told that her art is making sales worse. Willa gets revenge on Luden by chopping him up into pieces and tossing him into the soap. But Willa’s comeuppance comes swiftly when she uses the wrong soap after trying to wash Luden’s blood from her body. This episode’s special effects and gore guide this episode. The storyline is fun, but nothing out of the ordinary for TALES FROM THE CRYPT.

 

The Bribe – Terry O’Quinn stars as Martin Zeller, a by-the-book and newly appointed fire marshal. He receives naked photos of his daughter Hiley, played by Kimberly Williams-Paisley, from a strip club, owned by a man named Puck who is portrayed by Esai Morales. Martin is furious and surprises Puck with an inspection to confront him about the photos. Puck doesn’t know who took the photos, but he offers Martin a bribe, something he’s done with the past fire marshal. Martin is too straightlaced to accept but goes back on his word when Hiley’s boyfriend breaks up with her, and she loses her college scholarship – a result of the nude photos. After Martin accepts the bribe, he links up with an arsonist to burn the club down during a day when the club is closed. Unfortunately for Martin, the club is not closed, and Puck is the only remaining survivor, giving Martin a bracelet he gave to Hiley. Undone by his dirty deeds, Martin goes home and commits suicide in his despair over Hiley’s death. But Hiley isn’t dead! She calls the next morning to let Martin know she eloped. With the club manager, Bill. Played by Benicio del Toro. Although not nearly as gory as TALES FROM THE CRYPT ’s usual episodes, nor is it too over-the-top, this is by far the best acting of the season. Terry O’Quinn kills it as helicopter parent, Martin going toe-to-toe with Esai Morales, who is having fun as a sleazy nightclub owner.

The Assassin – TALES FROM THE CRYPT alum William Sadler appears as the Grim Reaper from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey in the introduction. He and the Crypt Keeper engage in gambling games reminiscent of Season 2’s Cutting Cards. In this episode, Shelley Hack stars as Janet McKay, a content and well-loved housewife. She is planning to host a party for her husband’s colleagues, but her day gets upended when three CIA operatives break into her home, explaining that they are looking for her husband, who they think is a man named Ronald. Ronald is a former assassin who has gone rogue, and the operatives intend to settle a debt by killing him. The episode is filled with hijinks, with Janet awkwardly killing off two of the agents. When she kills the third agent, the audience learns that Janet is Ronald after reconstructive surgery. One of my favorite plot twists of the series, though I did see it coming. Considering the time of release for this episode, this is quite progressive for TALES FROM THE CRYPT. Janet being a transwoman is not the punchline, and in fact, she is quite happy and has a healthy sex life with her husband. Her only flaw was unknowingly feeding human remains to her husband and his company, but in my heart, Janet is a true American princess.

You, Murderer – In an episode directed by Robert Zemeckis, he parodies Forrest Gump with the Crypt Keeper imitating the titular character. The floating feather did get a chuckle from me. This episode is an experimental one by Zemeckis where the protagonist, Lou Spinelli, wears the face of Humphrey Bogart after reconstructive surgery throughout the episode through archival footage and voice actor Robert Sacchi. The episode has a classic noir setting, featuring betrayals, murder, and romance. The cast is great and features John Lithgow, Sherilyn Finn, and Isabella Rosellina – daughter of Ingrid Bergman, who starred in the romantic drama, Casablanca, with Humphrey Bogart. The episode is not my favorite, but I appreciate Zemeckis pushing the lines of what can be shown on television. It’s a great episode to watch and dissect in an age of the AI takeover.

I have doubts about season 7, which I don’t remember at all. Apart from The Third Pig, there’s nothing that cemented into my mind. Sadly, the series is coming to an end, but also ending like this. TALES FROM THE CRYPT deserved better.

Season 7 premieres June 12^th on Shudder.

The Crypt Keeper's reign is almost over. Join us next week as we return for Season 7, the final chapter of TALES FROM THE CRYPT to see whether the series can recover from its creative slump or if the coffin lid closes for good.