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(How Do YOU Halloween?) What I Learned From My HALLOWEEN Franchise Marathon

By. Bee Delores

I grew up on a high-cal Michael Myers-loaded diet. The first HALLOWEEN film I ever saw in theaters was HALLOWEEN H20: TWENTY YEARS LATER. That summer, I begged my mom to take me to see it. I can still remember the smell of stale popcorn, the stickiness of the pleather seat, and the applause–oh, the applause at the end when Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) finally chops off her boogeyman’s head was something for the books.

20 years later, I took my mom to see HALLOWEEN (2018). It was a full-circle moment that will always live inside my heart. My mom passed away three years later, and as I’m writing this deep-dive, I’m once again reminded of that afternoon. The elevated violence of pent-up rage sent shock across her face. I gleefully giggled. That’s what horror, particularly the HALLOWEEN franchise, is all about.

I’d fallen off my planned annual watch of the entire series, but I recently took the plunge to watch 13 movies over three days. When I tell you it’s the wildest ride I’ve ever been on, even more wild than my trip to theme park Carowinds in eighth grade, it’s not hyperbole. The long-standing “Choose Your Own Adventure” lineup doesn’t avoid the silly, the monstrous, the gritty, and the just slightly confusing.

Now that the dust has settled, I can collect my thoughts. Here are 10 things I learned during my HALLOWEEN marathon.

HALLOWEEN Really Hates Women

Not even Laurie Strode is immune to the agonizing misogyny of my beloved series. Rachel Carruthers (Ellie Cornell), the fiery heroine of HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS, subsequently found herself turned into fodder for the follow-up, the disastrous HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Director Dominique Othenin-Girard didn’t understand Rachel, and so, she was just another body for Michael to dispose of.

Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) became the backbone of the franchise when Jamie Lee Curtis moved on to other genres in the 1980s. When it came to HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS, producers refused to pay Harris what she was worth and recast the role with J.C. Brandy. Jamie appeared in the film for barely 15 minutes before being unceremoniously killed off when Michael shoved her onto a wheat thresher. She didn’t put up a fight–that’s really not like her, after the two previous films–and that’s the saddest part of all.

Oh, then HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION did the unthinkable by killing off Laurie within the film’s (you guessed it!) first 15 minutes. Contractually, Curtis was checked out of the franchise after the heroic turn in HALLOWEEN H20. The film lazily spun its tires after Michael stabs Laurie in the back and sends her falling to her death off the mental institution’s cardboard cut-out rooftop. “I’ll see you in hell,” Laurie says, kissing her brother on the mouth. It’s a tragic final goodbye that undoes Laurie’s Victor Frankenstein moment. Thankfully, Laurie gets her happy ending in HALLOWEEN ENDS, but it took 44 years for that to happen.

The three strong women of the franchise all devastatingly died sooner or later, and it just feels blasphemous.

 

Horror has a long history of putting young people through hell, especially when the adults around them are spectacularly useless. Bee explores that dynamic in her How Do YOU Halloween? defense of COBWEB, a nasty little family nightmare that deserves more love than it gets.

We Deserve an Extended Cut of HALLOWEEN II (1981)

There are numerous filmed scenes left on the cutting room floor. Those include: Michael wandering into the children’s ward and bumping into a mechanical monkey; the power going out as Dr. Mixter (Ford Rainey) administers pain medication to Laurie, thus explaining why Haddonfield Memorial Hospital is so sparsely lit; Mrs. Alves (Gloria Gifford) trying to get ahold of Laurie’s parents; and a reporter and their crew showing up at the hospital and Mrs. Alves scolding them. 

There is also the matter of the ending of the TV cut where we learn of Jimmy’s (Lance Guest) fate. He suffered a concussion when he discovered Mrs. Alves’s body, and he later joined Laurie in a random car outside the hospital, quickly passing out from his brain injury. In the TV cut, Laurie finds him still alive in the ambulance as they’re both transported to another hospital.

Nearly 50 years later, it’s time for that extended cut with all these cut scenes. Rumor has it that several of these are considered “lost,” but they could very well still exist in someone’s basement or attic. Malek Akkad, make it happen!

Rachel Carruthers is a Criminally Underrated Final Girl

Rachel proved to be the perfect foil to Michael Myers. 11 months before the events of HALLOWEEN 4, Laurie and Jimmy died in a car crash. Rachel came in and took on the mantle of the franchise’s Final Girl, but she remains largely underrated or overlooked when discussing the best heroines in horror history. 

In the film’s third act, she never hesitates to survive and protect Jamie. From climbing onto the roof of Ben Meeker’s (Beau Starr) home and grabbing a fire extinguisher to distract Michael to taking the wheel in the pick-up truck and running him over, there’s nothing she can’t do to stop the most infamous serial killer. Rachel easily makes the Top 5 of All-Time, alongside the likes of Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson, Sidney Prescott, and Erin (from YOU’RE NEXT).

Halloween 5 Initiated the Downfall

With a script written by Michael Jacobs, HALLOWEEN 5 firstly ignores the shocking conclusion of the previous film (i.e., Jamie killing her adoptive mother) and makes her mute with a psychic connection to her uncle. Secondly, Jacobs and director Dominique Othenin-Girard kill off Rachel, the girl who held her own against Michael Myers in HALLOWEEN 4, in the laziest way. She neither fights back nor sacrifices herself to save Jamie, with whom she trauma bonded. You’re telling me that the same teen that went toe-to-toe with pure evil would be dumb enough not to see the red flags and reenter her home? Tragic. 

Thirdly, Rachel is replaced by the ‘80s cookie-cut slasher side-kick Tina (Wendy Kaplan), who is all flash and little substance. In the third act, she makes Jamie cry by not staying by her bedside that night. Instead, Tina heads out to Tower Farm for a party. 

Numerous other problems plague the fifth installment, such as the gothic, castle-like Myers house; Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) being totally unhinged; the sound effects for the two bumbling cops; Michael’s ferret, Nic Cage-looking mask; The Man in Black (the filmmaking team have gone on record to say that even they had no idea who he was and included him to make their film more interesting); and lastly, the cops not removing Michael’s mask, with him kneeling in the cell wearing it and fidgeting with the handcuffs in the finale.

HALLOWEEN 5 is directly responsible for HALLOWEEN 6 and the convoluted storyline involving runes, a cult, and the Man in Black revelation. It caused so much havoc that HALLOWEEN was destined to switch to straight-to-video releases before Jamie Lee Curtis wanted to do an anniversary film. And so began the franchise’s relationship with Choose Your Own Adventure.

Here’s How Halloween 5 and Beyond Should Have Gone

HALLOWEEN 5 picks up a few hours after the HALLOWEEN 4 ending. Michael remains unconscious down in the mineshaft, seemingly dead… for now. Meanwhile, Sheriff Meeker puts Jamie in police custody, and at the insistence of Dr. Loomis, she’s admitted to Smith’s Grove Sanitarium for clinical evaluation. Loomis becomes her doctor, and history seems to repeat itself. A year later, Jamie is still in the institution and has made considerable progress. But she still doesn’t speak. Rachel and her parents visit her every single week. When Rachel is around, Jamie comes out of her shell in bright, wide-eyed bursts, only to retreat once she leaves.

In the days leading up to Halloween, mysterious murders occur around the hospital. Many believe that Jamie is responsible, but Loomis feels Michael’s presence and attempts to convince the other staff that The Boogeyman is back. The film would feature plenty of first-person POV, so the audience is kept in the dark about who the killer really is.

During the third act bloodbath, Rachel saves Jamie, but her selfless act comes with a heavy price–her own demise. The confrontation is visceral, emotional, and raw, as Michael takes her head with Jamie watching in extreme horror. This HALLOWEEN 5 sets up HALLOWEEN 6 as a character-driven piece. Perhaps, it’s a few years later, and Jamie is a teenager. She’s in recovery from addiction and lives in a halfway house upstate. Michael returns home. When Jamie hears of a new string of murders, she knows exactly what she needs to do–finally send The Boogeyman to hell, where he belongs.

Give Rachel and Jamie the value they deserve as the franchise’s trusty heroines. Let them fight. And bestow some semblance of ceremony in their deaths. Can you imagine?

Paul Rudd is the Best Tommy Doyle

CLUELESS came out before HALLOWEEN 6, but the sixth Michael Myers film put him out into the world. Donning the role of Tommy Doyle, first played by a young Brian Andrews in the 1978 original, Rudd infuses his performance with peculiar character choices, often aloof and not quite there. It’s a far superior take on the traumatized character than Anthony Michael Hall’s MAGA-coded spin in HALLOWEEN KILLS, which simply saw a Tommy Doyle hell bent on playing the masculine hero saving Laurie. There are no layers to the broken childhood he endured as a kid, no exploration of trauma and its lingering effects on his life. Rudd demonstrates a real understanding of those themes, with a performance so strange that it’ll certainly stick with you.

Halloween 6 has the Best Cinematography

Directed by Joe Chappelle, HALLOWEEN 6 does have a few things going for it, most notably its perfectly chilling, autumn tone and moody aesthetic. It just feels like Halloween time. Moments such as the aftermath of Michael exploding John Strode’s (Bradford English) head that leave a stunning and haunting impression. The coloring of silver-blue fog and the camera angle give the scene a twistedly grim vibe that’s both beautiful and sinister. Elsewhere, cinematographer Billy Dickson peppers in shots that feel ripped out of an Edgar Allan Poe poem. Another standout scene happens when Mrs. Blankenship (Janice Knickrehm) tells Danny (Devin Gardner) about the origins of Samhain. Outside, thunder roars and lightning pops, and behind her, you can see Michael Myers patiently waiting to strike. Credit where credit is due, HALLOWEEN 6 absolutely nailed the Halloween spirit.

Halloween (2018) Hasn’t Aged Well–At All

David Gordon Green wanted his cake and to eat it, too. He packed in the fan service and easter eggs to the point that particular recreations of scenes from the original film create clunky pacing. For example, the all-too-brief classroom scene with Allyson (Andi Matichak) sees Laurie stalking her granddaughter much like Michael Myers stalked her outside of school. It’s wholly unnecessary. 

Other moments or scenes that slow down the proceedings or lack scary/comedic punches include “peanut butter on my penis,” the dialogue in the opening with Aaron (Jefferson Hall) and Dana (Rhian Rees) visiting Smith’s Grove (e.g., Aaron taking out Michael’s mask); Allyson and her friends not being fleshed out nearly enough–a few more scenes with Vicky (Virginia Gardner) and Dave (Miles Robbins) would do the trick; and Julian (Jibrail Nantambu) deserved extended babysitting with Vicky (maybe they carve pumpkins together).

But the most egregious decision comes down to the Dr. Sartain (Haluk Bilginer) twist, that he’s as psychotic as his patient is. There’s an overwhelming sense that Green couldn’t find any other way to bring Michael and Laurie together, when it was as clear as “breasts and blue suede shoes,” as Mr. Sayer in HALLOWEEN 4 says to Dr. Loomis. 

After Allyson discovers the body of her friend Oscar (Drew Scheid), Michael steps out, the music kicks in, and she runs for her life. The chase scene is lackluster, at best, when it should have gone down like this: Allyson runs from house to house, but no one will open their doors. She begins creeping through various backyards and finds herself amongst rows of sheets flapping in the crisp autumn air, mirroring the original film. There’s a game of cat-and-mouse here and maybe a physical altercation before Allyson darts into the woods that line the row of houses. Michael follows, and Allyson leads him right to Laurie’s compound. Easy peasy.

The hype train came barreling down the tracks, and getting caught up in the smoke was quite easy. Eight years later, it’s a fairly standard HALLOWEEN sequel.

Hobo Myers is the Worst Michael Myers

Rob Zombie should most certainly be applauded for taking some bold swings with HALLOWEEN II (2009), even if most of his creative choices don’t work. However, his version of Michael Myers, dubbed Hobo Myers, misses the character he himself built in his 2007 remake. Michael Myers is not some deranged hobo wandering through the countryside for his next bridge to sleep under; he’s the boogeyman, a monstrous natural force that can never be defeated. Hobo Myers looks just about as silly as Michael shedding a tear in the attic in HALLOWEEN 5.

Halloween, Halloween II, and Halloween H20 Remain the Best Timeline

I’ve gone on record saying that I love David Gordon Green’s HALLOWEEN KILLS and HALLOWEEN ENDS. Though, when you set his reboot trilogy next to HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN II, and HALLOWEEN H20, there’s simply no question about which group is the best. There’s no argument to be made that HALLOWEEN is not the best film of the franchise, a film that made slashers cool. 

The 1981 follow-up mostly delivered, despite Dick Warlock’s iteration of Michael Myers being sleepy and the hospital being way too dark. John Carpenter was a brilliant genius to continue the story on the same night. Then, HALLOWEEN H20 displays a rich, character-driven examination of trauma in a very visceral, grounded way. It makes sense that 20 years later, Laurie would have faked her own death and adopted a new name and life. Her dynamic with her son John (Josh Hartnett) is racked with friction, misunderstanding, and misplaced expectations.

It also helps that the film leans into the structure of the original with very few kills and a focus on creating mood and tension through the characters and their predicament. 

In HALLOWEEN H20, Michael Myers also does a whole lot of stalking (e.g., he toys with security guard Ronnie, played by LL Cool J, when he first enters the school). It feels like the same boogeyman from decades ago. Together, the 1-2-3 sucker punch is one of the best trilogies in horror history.

 

Honorable Mention: Danny Lux composed a sparse, haunting version of the HALLOWEEN theme in HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION.

And if three days alone with Michael Myers sounds like a questionable life decision, there's always the alternative: fishnets, flying toast, and a room full of people shouting at the screen. Pleatherface's How Do YOU Halloween? tribute to THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW makes a convincing case for spending the season with a crowd.